An Art of Conducting Oneself

By Paul Willis

Paul WillisThere is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up.  —René Daumal, Mount Analogue

 

Sitting here, high on the shoulder of a peak in the Ansel Adams Wilderness, I am looking down at a grassy swale where I startled a herd of eleven mule deer. From this height they are now too small to be seen, but they kept their ground as I detoured around them on scree and talus, not wanting to disturb their pasture. And looking down in the other direction, a blood-red canyon drops away to the round expanse of an alkali lake, from this vantage point its two or three islands an obvious continuation of a series of craters to the south. And, looking up, the summit of the mountain I'm on rises gently, inviting me to visit before thunderheads build and explode, just as they did yesterday on my way down another summit. Such a relief to be lost in sky, no other purpose beyond placing the next boot, the next hoof.     

 

There are bighorn sheep up here as well, though I've yet to see one in the Sierra. Almost fifty years ago, my brother brought a pair of ram's horns back from a ledge just north of here. (Then, conscience-stricken, he returned them.) A few years later he came home from a cold mountain in Alaska without his fingers or his feet. He was supposed to come on this hike with me—he on horseback, I on foot—but what is left of one of his feet is sore and infected, and so he had to take a pass. Exactly fifty years ago we climbed our first peak together, in the Cascades of Oregon, and I climb this mountain thinking of him. A neighboring summit, according to the guidebook, was first ascended on horseback in 1864, and certainly my brother could have ridden up the shallow slopes that I climb now. 

 

As I pause again beneath the crest, seven dished-out resting places appear at my feet. For deer, by the look of the scat, though what if these are bowers for bighorns? I'd rest here too—am resting here—as I think about the last few steps to the summit, that place where earth becomes the air and there are no more steps to take. And then, having lunched and lingered on the top, traversing from one peak to the next for a better view, I see a flash of white rumps, curved horns, as six or eight bighorn sheep clatter over the edge of the slope. A miracle of wish and witness, there and gone. But one has seen, says René Daumal. And as I descend, I carry with me the stutter of hooves into the stubborn cliffs below.

Bighorn sheep by Steve Yeager


Paul Willis is a professor of English at Westmont College in Santa Barbara, California.  He has published six collections of poetry, the most recent of which are Deer at Twilight: Poems from the North Cascades (Stephen F. Austin State University Press, 2018) and Little Rhymes for Lowly Plants (White Violet Press, 2019). He is also the author of an eco-fantasy novel, The Alpine Tales (WordFarm, 2010), and of the essay collections Bright Shoots of Everlastingness (WordFarm, 2005) and To Build a Trail (WordFarm, 2018). Years ago, he played a small part in gaining protection for the Salmo-Priest Wilderness in the northeast corner of Washington state. www.pauljwillis.com 

 

Photo: Bighorn sheep by Steve Yeager

 

 

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Comments 50

Guest
Guest - Maureen Duthie on Friday, 19 March 2021 04:14

Thank you for sharing your lovely hike, I could feel the air blowing across the fields due to your eloquent discription . I am sorry about your brother’s difficulties ,but feel he was there in spirit with you.

Thank you for sharing your lovely hike, I could feel the air blowing across the fields due to your eloquent discription . I am sorry about your brother’s difficulties ,but feel he was there in spirit with you.
Guest
Guest - Lise Brenner on Friday, 19 March 2021 00:42

Lively writing and wonderful initiative

Lively writing and wonderful initiative
Guest
Guest - Mark Setterberg (website) on Thursday, 18 March 2021 23:28

Thanks for sharing. Blessings to you.

Thanks for sharing. Blessings to you.
Guest
Guest - Matthew Midgett (website) on Thursday, 18 March 2021 22:30

This writing affected me profoundly (I am very sorry for your brother's -- what would you call it -- injury? I wish him WELL). I live adjacent to the White Mountain Wilderness in south-central New Mexico. I have three companion horses. I ride one bareback, and the other two come along 'at liberty' -- sometimes following, sometimes leading, but always connected. We explore the wilderness together. The words you wrote -- the experiences you describe -- could be my own. You express things very honestly. Thank you! I don't know if this is permitted, but you can share my world through short photo journals at http://www.followeddreamranch.com . Your writing has real substance, and is much appreciated.

This writing affected me profoundly (I am very sorry for your brother's -- what would you call it -- injury? I wish him WELL). I live adjacent to the White Mountain Wilderness in south-central New Mexico. I have three companion horses. I ride one bareback, and the other two come along 'at liberty' -- sometimes following, sometimes leading, but always connected. We explore the wilderness together. The words you wrote -- the experiences you describe -- could be my own. You express things very honestly. Thank you! I don't know if this is permitted, but you can share my world through short photo journals at www.followeddreamranch.com . Your writing has real substance, and is much appreciated.
Guest
Guest - Grace F on Thursday, 18 March 2021 22:01

As you said “one has seen” and we enjoyed going along with you. Thank you for sharing.

As you said “one has seen” and we enjoyed going along with you. Thank you for sharing.
Guest
Guest - mm on Thursday, 18 March 2021 21:04

11 years on the femur - typo, apology.

11 years on the femur - typo, apology.
Guest
Guest - mm on Thursday, 18 March 2021 20:59

Sierra bighorns suffered from grazing domestic sheep, which carried a pneumococcus that was 100% fatal to the north american wild ovids.
While I have been on the same shoulders and peaks above Mono lake, I have also seen the periods when bighorns ran up the scree right there startled by our inadvertent disturbance. They make in 15 seconds what is half hour or more sweaty struggle for us..
I have noted north of there that the wolf does not like scree, and in Mojave and Great basin desert, the bighorns of a mountain massif will migrate at night like wraiths others across the desert. This has always preserved their kind until men with guns came.
Wolves of Alaska all the way down to their presently absent habitat lived without appreciably diminishing the bighorn species, even when they were primary prey (see field biologists from the 1940s on for info if you are unfamiliar) ,
FWS attempts to protect the evanescent bighorn herds, some farther south in the high Sierra.
This is done by closing public lands grazing, a basic necessity, as grazers tend to intentionally disturb the diminishing wildlife of North America.
Of course, there are wild burros in those Mojave and other desert massifs, and wild horses just on the other side of Mono Lake from you ("just" beingquite a number of miles in the clear air). But I don't feel begrudged at their presence, unlike the public lands managers.
The numerous "Antelope Valleys" one just south of the Mono Craters you mentioned, tell us how prolific the pronghorns of America once were. All the way into Los Angeles county's northern reaches, and into Mexico. Guns again, and people who believe that life exists only for the taking.
But tere remains a possibility of return of all the species I've mentioned, and more. TO do so within our lifetimes may require assisted relocation, but I don't see why the alkali grasses of Long Valley Caldera should any longer suffer their absence.

I live back in the redwoods now, once in a while walking along dunes where i find mountain lion prints as well as the largest elk in North America. That the wolf family has not yet crossed I-5 into the green lands of Roosevelt Elk live, assisting in prevention of the newly-arrived TAHD and singing the songs I first heard by age 4 in the North Woods, has been a slightly empty feeling for more than four dewcades.. The fragmentation will not heal soon enough.
But I heaard a young female wolf came down to Hoover Wilderness or Sweetwater mountains, just out of your sight to the North, for a look.
Mule deer stream down in the fall from most Sierra canyons, just as they always have done.
The Condor is being returned to the Klamath country, where salmon once ran so heavy that tree growth increases from their spent semelparous bodies transferred life to life measurably.
When the dams are removed, and far northeast, up the Snake of eastern WA into Idaho, the trading*of molecules that is constant every day of life, will return.
*Even your femur, the single largest bone in your body is completely made of other lives within 1 years. And our breath, every moment of every day and night here, traded as food for the redwoods, who replenish our oxygen every moment.

I don't know that we are conducting of this vast symphony, but we ARE in synchrony and harmony.

Sierra bighorns suffered from grazing domestic sheep, which carried a pneumococcus that was 100% fatal to the north american wild ovids. While I have been on the same shoulders and peaks above Mono lake, I have also seen the periods when bighorns ran up the scree right there startled by our inadvertent disturbance. They make in 15 seconds what is half hour or more sweaty struggle for us.. I have noted north of there that the wolf does not like scree, and in Mojave and Great basin desert, the bighorns of a mountain massif will migrate at night like wraiths others across the desert. This has always preserved their kind until men with guns came. Wolves of Alaska all the way down to their presently absent habitat lived without appreciably diminishing the bighorn species, even when they were primary prey (see field biologists from the 1940s on for info if you are unfamiliar) , FWS attempts to protect the evanescent bighorn herds, some farther south in the high Sierra. This is done by closing public lands grazing, a basic necessity, as grazers tend to intentionally disturb the diminishing wildlife of North America. Of course, there are wild burros in those Mojave and other desert massifs, and wild horses just on the other side of Mono Lake from you ("just" beingquite a number of miles in the clear air). But I don't feel begrudged at their presence, unlike the public lands managers. The numerous "Antelope Valleys" one just south of the Mono Craters you mentioned, tell us how prolific the pronghorns of America once were. All the way into Los Angeles county's northern reaches, and into Mexico. Guns again, and people who believe that life exists only for the taking. But tere remains a possibility of return of all the species I've mentioned, and more. TO do so within our lifetimes may require assisted relocation, but I don't see why the alkali grasses of Long Valley Caldera should any longer suffer their absence. I live back in the redwoods now, once in a while walking along dunes where i find mountain lion prints as well as the largest elk in North America. That the wolf family has not yet crossed I-5 into the green lands of Roosevelt Elk live, assisting in prevention of the newly-arrived TAHD and singing the songs I first heard by age 4 in the North Woods, has been a slightly empty feeling for more than four dewcades.. The fragmentation will not heal soon enough. But I heaard a young female wolf came down to Hoover Wilderness or Sweetwater mountains, just out of your sight to the North, for a look. Mule deer stream down in the fall from most Sierra canyons, just as they always have done. The Condor is being returned to the Klamath country, where salmon once ran so heavy that tree growth increases from their spent semelparous bodies transferred life to life measurably. When the dams are removed, and far northeast, up the Snake of eastern WA into Idaho, the trading*of molecules that is constant every day of life, will return. *Even your femur, the single largest bone in your body is completely made of other lives within 1 years. And our breath, every moment of every day and night here, traded as food for the redwoods, who replenish our oxygen every moment. I don't know that we are conducting of this vast symphony, but we ARE in synchrony and harmony.
Guest
Guest - Dave Potter on Sunday, 28 March 2021 15:49

Enjoyed this info. Very informative especially referencing the great damage domestic sheep do on public range lands spreading disease to wild bighorns via the water holes. Has happened at many sites across the west including the Lava Beds National Monument in N. Calif. Sounds like you are well grounded in wildlife management history. I do disagree about wild horses. If you have ever seen the mess of trampled mud they make of dry lands water holes, smashing the vegetation out and deterring/limiting native wildlife water you will see why I and other seasoned, professional wildlife managers [FWS Refuge Manager] dislike feral horses...and other feral species like house cats. Both "wild"horses and cats reproduce very rapidly and routinely over-populate.

Enjoyed this info. Very informative especially referencing the great damage domestic sheep do on public range lands spreading disease to wild bighorns via the water holes. Has happened at many sites across the west including the Lava Beds National Monument in N. Calif. Sounds like you are well grounded in wildlife management history. I do disagree about wild horses. If you have ever seen the mess of trampled mud they make of dry lands water holes, smashing the vegetation out and deterring/limiting native wildlife water you will see why I and other seasoned, professional wildlife managers [FWS Refuge Manager] dislike feral horses...and other feral species like house cats. Both "wild"horses and cats reproduce very rapidly and routinely over-populate.
Guest
Guest - judith lowe on Thursday, 18 March 2021 20:46

Beautiful writing and brought me right along with you...loved it

Beautiful writing and brought me right along with you...loved it
Guest
Guest - Dwight Johnson on Thursday, 18 March 2021 20:21

There really is something very special about experiencing a wild, fully functioning wilderness with one's brother. Doing so builds ties and memories which last a lifetime. Creates a sense of peace in me to know we did it when we still could.

There really is something very special about experiencing a wild, fully functioning wilderness with one's brother. Doing so builds ties and memories which last a lifetime. Creates a sense of peace in me to know we did it when we still could.
Guest
Guest - Gina (website) on Thursday, 18 March 2021 18:34

Please, have your brother try honey, mixed with propolis tincture and if you can find some fresh royal jelly, put that in too. Treat wounds with this. Change bandages every day and let air out and get a little sun shine on it in a clean environment for a little in between dressing. Then re apply honey/propolis tincture/royal jelly mixture wrap up and repeat till healed. Promise, this works.

Please, have your brother try honey, mixed with propolis tincture and if you can find some fresh royal jelly, put that in too. Treat wounds with this. Change bandages every day and let air out and get a little sun shine on it in a clean environment for a little in between dressing. Then re apply honey/propolis tincture/royal jelly mixture wrap up and repeat till healed. Promise, this works.
Guest
Guest - Karen on Thursday, 18 March 2021 18:03

So beautifully written! Like being there. Thank you for sharing your experience!

So beautifully written! Like being there. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Guest
Guest - Chris Hazynski on Thursday, 18 March 2021 17:56

The planet and the ecosystem should come first.

The planet and the ecosystem should come first.
Guest
Guest - Derinda Nilsson on Thursday, 18 March 2021 17:39

PURE BEAUTY!!!!

PURE BEAUTY!!!!
Guest
Guest - Sherry Dunn on Thursday, 18 March 2021 17:24

Thank you for sharing. Your story made my day.

Thank you for sharing. Your story made my day.
Guest
Guest - Susan O'Rourke on Thursday, 18 March 2021 17:20

Nicely written and every paragraph I was reading I also had a picture in my mind of what the writer was seeing. Thank you.

Nicely written and every paragraph I was reading I also had a picture in my mind of what the writer was seeing. Thank you.
Guest
Guest - Barbara Darling on Thursday, 18 March 2021 17:16

Breathtaking images!

Breathtaking images!
Guest
Guest - Dennis Curry (website) on Thursday, 18 March 2021 16:52

Thank you for sharing your experience. I felt for a moment I shares the peak.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I felt for a moment I shares the peak.
Guest
Guest - priscilla martinez on Thursday, 18 March 2021 16:51

Wildlife are God's creations, we need to take better care of them, and their environment.

Wildlife are God's creations, we need to take better care of them, and their environment.
Guest
Guest - Patrick on Thursday, 18 March 2021 15:52

Wow.
Wonderful.
Thanks for sharing.
Made my day.

Wow. Wonderful. Thanks for sharing. Made my day.
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Friday, 29 March 2024

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